Burnt Toast
It finally happened. The inevitable crash from you guessed it, burnout.
[Content Warnings: Mentions of Depression, Anxiety, Domestic Violence, Loss, and a whole lot of fucking gang shit]
Happy Black History Month!
I started writing my first post of the year snuggled under covers recovering from the flu, but by the time I finished it, I can proudly say I’m feeling much better.
Today’s Substack post was sponsored (not really) by Mucinex, Tylenol and children’s sore throat lollipops. Lollipops because we romanticize our lives around here.
However, today I’d say it’s sponsored by audiobooks, a good night’s rest and a migraine. But fuck it, we ball.
I hit a creative rut and finally listened to my team, who’s been demanding I take a break for the past year, which I agreed to, but just never stopped working in order to take one? Yeah. That happened.
Notice how I often write workaholics? My art unfortunately DOES imitates life. My life.
I felt like I was drowning immensely and couldn’t get ahead. I still feel like that honestly, but I promised to advocate for myself this year and taking a step back has made things feel possible again.
I took two weeks to step away from my current project to focus on other tasks on my impending to-do list in hopes of reducing my anxiety and stress about work. One could argue that isn’t really taking a break and you would be correct. Life had other plans and I caught the flu, which left me bedridden for over a week.
It couldn’t have come at a greater time because if you’re stressed out about all you need to do, the last thing you need is to get sick and cause a further delay, but if this wasn’t a clear sign of how hard I work myself, idk what is.
I hear you, universe! Gosh!
A lot of things have happened and I’d like to speak about them all. I prefer to go from worst to best and would like to go ahead and rip the goddamn bandaid off. So, let’s get into it. Shall we?
My abuser passed away last month.
How do I feel? I’m not sure, really. I suppose since I have been grieving him long before I learned the news of his passing, it feels odd.
I don’t have anything nice to say about him, so I won’t delve into that. Whatever Regina Delvecchio said in Shadowed Obsession, or something like that.
Oh, yeah. I wrote that.
Personally I believe that my healing journey has hit a bit of a plateau out of comfort and if anything, this has made me feel as if I have to start over again.
Truth is, I don’t have to start over in my journey, but I do have to be honest about the work that is still needed and that I am far from healed. Not that I ever believed I was fully there, but damn. It would’ve been nice. 😆
I have a lot of thoughts on this, mainly that the life I live today is thanks to my bravery as a survivor of domestic violence. I wouldn’t be sitting here today writing to my incredible readers, had I not published Elevator Pitch.
Elevator Pitch opened up a world of opportunity for me and is undoubtedly my most vulnerable body of work yet. So much of Selah is me and still is. Honestly, I feel very much like her at the beginning of the book now. Scared, but wearing a brave face as I journey into the unknown.
Also, as much as I love EP and it triggers me, I fear it may be time for another reread. orders Kleenex in bulk
Elevator Pitch’s audio is available everywhere you listen to audiobooks.
This news got me in my feels because the whole reason I write stories is for them to be read, but accessibility matters a great deal to me. This move allows for so many readers all over the world to have access to this wonderful story that has changed my life and so many others.
When I say EP on audiobook is available ‘errywhere’ (cuz I’m from St. Louis) I MEAN IT! Libro.Fm, Audiobooks.com, Chirpbooks, Spotify, Libby, Hoopla, etc.
Typing my book into the search bar on Hoopla to see it available at the St. Louis County Library brought me to tears. I know I’ve been an author, but seeing your book available at your hometown library is unmatched.
Snag Elevator Pitch on audio anywhere you prefer!
Free Roam is out in the world.
Free Roam, a Black sapphic short that I wrote for The Tenth Muse: Rebellion is now released. So much went on behind the scenes of crafting this story that I am so unbelievably proud of myself for seeing it through and setting it free.
Apologies in advance for the author’s note that might make you teary eyed. [I have a way of doing that no matter the story. Oops.]
I fell in love with Raquel and Victoria so easily and Rae’s experience is so similar to mine as a bisexual Black woman. Vik has this energy about her that could convince anyone to leave the club with them.
Working on this story was so much fun once it really started flowing to me and many crash outs later, my PA made a suggestion that shifted the project for me in the best way. I’m so grateful and happy it’s out!
I’ve received so many kind words and feedback about this story and how seen my readers are feeling. You have no idea how amazing that makes me feel. It is truly an honor to share my world and my heart with you all so freely. I hope it inspires others to live in their truth whenever the time is right. 🫶🏽
You can read Free Roam now in The Tenth Muse: Rebellion! Available on KU and paperback!
Shadowed Obsession is out on audio.
Releasing this audiobook is such an accomplishment for me. Shadowed Obsession is my favorite book I’ve published thus far and hearing it brought to life by the incredibly talented narrators, Tasha Guevara and Gordon B. Diamond was icing on the cake!
This story is a laugh out loud good time and it’s so rich in Black, Puerto Rican and Dominican culture. I had such a wonderful time researching and working closely with my team of sensitivity readers and am so appreciative for their time and hard work. This story wouldn’t be what it was without your input and I am so grateful.
At this time, SO’s audiobooks is an audible exclusive, but if anything changes, you’ll know first!
Read Shadowed Obsession on audiobook on audible!
I became a best selling author.
The Tenth Muse: Rebellion was published earlier this month and is now available on paperback and Kindle Unlimited! Myself and 11 of my fellow authors collaborated on this anthology of sapphic stories. All proceeds go to the [insert charity name]
‘Free Roam’ earned me my first, but not last Best Seller banner and I couldn’t be more grateful and excited for myself and my peers! We worked so hard and this won’t be the last time we go number 1!
You can read Free Roam now in The Tenth Muse: Rebellion! Available on KU and paperback!
I stopped writing cold turkey. Made it 10 days.
Taking a break from my current manuscript was intentional, but the duration away from writing anything, was not.
I mentioned hitting a creative rut earlier and it got to a point where I felt like I didn’t recognize the story staring back at me. It no longer felt like mine. It was the result of writing on autopilot to adhere to a deadline and something was missing.
I needed to step away from the doc and breathe. Fall back in love with the story again. Reacquaint myself with the characters, the setting, the plots, etc. I was encouraged by my incredible team and chipped away at everything but writing until the flu barreled through me and knocked me on my ass.
On Day 10, inspiration washed over me something vicious. For a different story, of course, but inspiration took over and I let it. This was vastly different from my current project, but I leaned into it and have since managed a little over a thousand words.
Am I sure what’s happening yet? No. But I am sure that Substack will be the first to find out. Whatever the hell this is.
I read 13 books in January.
I read 15 books in January on this writing break and zoomed through several audiobooks during this time. I read WELL and they absolutely contributed to pulling me out of this creative rut!
Valentine’s Slay by Navessa Allen
Poison Ivy by Ava Rani
Maneater by Emily Antionette
Behold Her by Emily Antionette
Promises and Pomegranates by Sav R. Miller
Oaths & Omissions by Sav R. Miller
Vipers & Virtuosos by Sav R. Miller
The Toy King by Adriana Herrera
The Naughty List by Jade West
Run Darling by Adriana Herrera
Sweet Sin by Sav R. Miller
Shadowed Obsession by Evelyn Leigh
Hostile For The Holidays by Erin Hawkins
Grilled cheese became my new hyper fixation meal.
Don’t ask me how many grilled cheese sandwiches I’ve eaten in the past month. I couldn’t tell you, but they were damn good and I just ate another one. 😂
I’m heading back into my writing cave soon.
I’m in a weird place right now and as much as I would like to skip to the good parts and push through it, I can’t. I must sit here and trudge through the storm to reach the light. Which sucks, but if anybody is gangsta enough to bear it, it’s me. Unfortunately I am one of God’s strongest soldiers and that’s completely against my will.
Yes, my Christmas tree is still up.
The project I am eager to get back to work on is very Black and kinky. For those of you who’ve enjoyed Lilith’s Lounge in Free Roam, buckle up. 😏
Currently, I am processing and packing loads of book orders—I’m so excited for them to make way to the bookstores and their new homes! Thank you all for your support! I seriously am in awe that I have found you all in finding my voice. The Shadowed Obsession Deluxe edition is out now at participating bookstores and my shop!
Participating Bookstores Linked Below!
The New Romantics | Steamy Lit | Mis Amores | Pillowtalk Bookshop | The Ravished Reader | Read And Rooted | Why Choose Tucson | Slow Burn | Burn Bright Books | Scribbles | Chills And Thrills | Alex’s Bookstore | Lover’s Corner | The Well Red Damsel |
Paid subscribers can expect some treats in the mail and some announcements shortly! If you are a paid subscriber and haven’t filled out our questionnaire, please do, so you can receive your goodies in this month’s mailer!
I’m back packing up these orders so I can get all these books out of my house. Thanks again for supporting! I’ll be back sooner than later this time! Love you all!